{"id":7614,"date":"2023-07-28T19:33:35","date_gmt":"2023-07-28T23:33:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marcicurtis.com\/blog\/?p=7614"},"modified":"2026-01-01T15:54:24","modified_gmt":"2026-01-01T20:54:24","slug":"how-to-memorialize-a-recent-death-at-a-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marcicurtis.com\/blog\/how-to-memorialize-a-recent-death-at-a-wedding\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Memorialize a Recent Death at a Wedding"},"content":{"rendered":"

So how do you memorialize a recent death at weddings without making everyone sad?<\/p>\n

\"The

The bride’s father cries during the “daddy\/daughter” dance at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Unfortunately, 2023 has included a death of someone near and dear to the couple in half my weddings so far this year. There is a hole the size of a wrecking ball in the middle of what is supposed to be the couple\u2019s \u201cbest day of their life\u201d and celebrating feels out of place in the midst of grieving.<\/p>\n

What is a couple to do when they are celebrating while actively grieving? What\u2019s appropriate? Is it gauche to be happy? Can you be happy? How do you memorialize a recent death at a wedding?<\/p>\n

\"The

The groom’s grandmother teases him after the wedding ceremony at Greenfield Village<\/a> in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with the basics. Here are two extreme cases. I have attended two weddings where half the attendees of the wedding were also at a funeral the week before the wedding. Totally ruined the wedding, right? No. For one family, I\u2019m pretty sure they don\u2019t remember a lot about the wedding because they were all so raw and stunned by the sudden death. But they put one foot in front of the other and got through the day with grace and kindness.<\/p>\n

Although I know the groom can barely stand to see photos or watch videos from that day, it was a fantastic way to bring his father into the wedding celebration and enjoy one that he would have loved being a part of. The joy that comes from a wedding is contagious. It reminds everyone of happy times, the love of family and gives hope to the next generation. The second wedding I photographed acknowledged the passing, paid homage to the beloved family member and then they all got on with celebrating the day.<\/p>\n

\"One

One of the dances was in honor of someone who had recently passed at Villa Penna in Sterling Heights, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

In every case, the person who died is woven into the ceremony either passively (like placing flowers or a small memorial plaque where they would have been seated) or actively by including them into the service. Not to hijack the service or bring everyone down, but by including someone who everyone is thinking about. It\u2019s not that everyone is being reminded that hey, folks, someone important is missing.<\/p>\n

\"Signs

Signs were made to memorialize loved ones missing from the wedding at her wedding at The Wyndgate in Rochester Hills, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s about giving voice to what everyone is silently thinking about and giving everyone a chance to openly talk about that person. It\u2019s giving permission to grieve. It means that talking about what they\u2019ve been through won\u2019t ruin someone\u2019s wedding. It means you can move on with the rest of the day with their presence around. It\u2019s inviting the person who died to join in the festivities.<\/p>\n

And man, oh man, do people who have just lost someone need to let loose. Crying and laughing are so closely linked. Does anyone think that the person who died would want everyone sitting around talking about them, pulling attention, focus and happiness from the couple? Accidentally turning the wedding into a funeral 2.0? Kind of crummy thing to pin on someone who just died.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Guests

Guests dance together in a moment of levity at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

So don\u2019t worry about having fun. Don\u2019t worry that celebrating is being somehow disrespectful to the person who passed. I don\u2019t think ruining someone\u2019s wedding has ever been a priority for someone who is dying.<\/p>\n

Here Are Ways To Memorialize a Recent Death at a Wedding Celebration Without Making Everyone Sad.<\/h2>\n

PASSIVE ways to memorialize someone during a wedding:<\/strong><\/h3>\n
    \n
  1. Create a portrait gallery of the person and set that up in the reception area. This can be all the relatives who have died or you can also create a separate one of just the person who has passed. You see these often tucked away. Don\u2019t be afraid to give them their own more prominent spot. Guests really do like seeing the photos.<\/li>\n
  2. Flower memorials on the seats of the person who passed, or at the spot where a wedding party member would have stood.<\/li>\n
  3. Include photo charms in the bouquet or boutonnieres.<\/li>\n
  4. Write a message in the program about your loved one.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"A

    A guest in mourning looks over the photo memorial at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"The

    The bride wore her mother’s signature perfume for her wedding in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"A

    A bride tucks a mouse into her bouquet as a token of remembrance of her father as a subtle memorial to him.<\/p><\/div>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"A

    A bride pinned to strings of photos of important people to her who have died onto her bouquet before her wedding to memorialize them and literally carry them with her.<\/p><\/div>\n

     <\/p>\n

    If You’re Looking For Something A Bit More Inclusive To Memorialize Someone<\/h2>\n

    ACTIVE ways to memorialize someone at a wedding:<\/strong><\/h2>\n
      \n
    1. If it\u2019s a parent who has passed who would have been part of the mother\/father dances, still have that dance in honor of them. You can either find a sibling or parent figure to substitute in for the parent, or you can dance with your spouse and invite all the other mother\/son or father\/daughter pairs to come join you for that dance to celebrate that relationship.<\/li>\n
    2. Have a moment of silence at the reception or during the ceremony.<\/li>\n
    3. Light a candle of remembrance during the ceremony or reception. This could also be done on the sly if you want to make this more passive.<\/li>\n
    4. Have everyone dance to the favorite song of the person who passed.<\/li>\n
    5. Toast your loved one during the toasts.<\/li>\n
    6. Visit their grave. I\u2019ve seen this a few times. Once was pretty gut wrenching and the other was sweet as the groom dropped off the flowers from the church at his mother\u2019s grave.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"One

      One of the dances was in honor of someone who had recently passed at Villa Penna in Sterling Heights, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"The

      The bride catches her tears during an emotional toast at her wedding at Wellers in Saline, Michigan<\/a>.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"A

      A bride and groom set up a display to memorialize their missing loved ones at the Fenton Brewery and Winery in Fenton, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      So clearly you wouldn\u2019t want to do all of these, but perhaps some of these resonate more with you than others. What do you think would truly honor them? What would they like? You\u2019ll know what feels best.\u00a0 <\/span>Family and guests will follow your lead. It\u2019s rare that anyone will even say anything unless you signal that you\u2019re open to bringing them into the wedding day.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s often the first time since the death that the family has had a chance to be together after a funeral and they are usually really ready to have a good time. Most guests and family want to celebrate with people they love and feel like bringing that person along for the ride feels right and appropriate.<\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"A

      A spontaneous group family photo on the dance floor at the Somerset Inn in Troy, Michigan<\/a>.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"The

      The bride and groom share a moment of levity at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

      \"Two

      Two groomsmen dance together in a moment of levity at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

      Each couple will make the decision of how they\u2019re going to approach the day. Sometimes they cry when they are trying their best not to and other times they think they\u2019ll be \u201ca mess\u201d and get through the day without shedding a tear. As a photographer, I cover the day as a photojournalist, so all emotion is welcome and outbursts are common and usually part of any normal wedding day.<\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"The

      The bride had a first look with her father hoping to soothe both their emotions before her wedding at The Wyndgate in Rochester Hills, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Building in breaks for a couple who is grieving and needs to be \u201con display\u201d can be really taxing, so creating breaks from the crowds can be really helpful AND it lets me get some epic portraits of them as the wedding day is winding down. That moment of release for a couple who is very much over being on display can lead to some amazing photos that won\u2019t remind them of all their roller coaster wedding day.<\/p>\n

      \"A

      A groom helps his bride with her wedding dress while out for photos.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"A

      A bride and groom steal a kiss away from their guests during their Weller’s wedding in Saline, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"A

      A bride and groom get some real alone time out on Long Lake in Brighton, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      \"A

      A sweet, private ending for a fabulous, emotion filled wedding at the Fenton Brewery and Winery in Fenton, Michigan.<\/p><\/div>\n

       <\/p>\n

      For the privacy of my couples, I’ve included photos from all the weddings I’ve photographed so far this year. Pretty sure no one looking at the photos would know who was struggling and grieving during the wedding and who wasn’t. Weddings always have sad, or emotional moments. Everyone’s always acutely aware of who is missing the fabulous day and that’s okay. That’s how you memorialized a recent death at a wedding.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      So how do you memorialize a recent death at weddings without making everyone sad?   Unfortunately, 2023 has included a death of someone near and dear to the couple in half my weddings so far this year. There is a hole the size of a wrecking ball in the middle of what is supposed to...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pp_embeds":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[121],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7614","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advice-trends"],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Memorialize a Recent Death at a Wedding<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are active and passive ways to memorialize a recent death on your wedding day and focus on celebrating.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/marcicurtis.com\/blog\/how-to-memorialize-a-recent-death-at-a-wedding\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Memorialize a Recent Death at a Wedding Marci Curtis - Detroit based wedding photojournalist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So how do you memorialize a recent death at weddings without making everyone sad?   Unfortunately, 2023 has included a death of someone near and dear Award winning Detroit, Michigan based wedding photojournalist captures moments that tell your story. 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